About Us

Cousins, a year apart in age, Tony and Bernard spent a stupid amount of time together growing up.

Bernard as a child had the demeanour of a miniature psychopath and no Mother would let their little darlings get in the way of this 3-foot hurricane. As such, because Tony (who was no angel himself) was the closest relative in age, he got the unenviable task of being Bernard’s play pal.

Eventually after one particularly eventful Easter (where Bernard made Richard Simmons look chill),  a Dr figured out that chocolate was Bernard’s trigger and it turned him into a deranged nutbag.

Eventually after one particularly eventful Easter (where Bernard made Richard Simmons look chill),  a Dr figured out that chocolate was Bernard’s trigger and it turned him into a deranged nutbag. Tony realising his younger cousin was no longer allowed to eat chocolate, would deliberately eat it in front of him like a real douchebag. This may have backfired as Tony now carries extra snuggle weight from eating Bernard’s share of the pie.

As the cousins began school, Bernard switched on and was assumed to be on the right track. Tony on the other hand, switched off and was heading for a couch somewhere. Tony was going to live in Bernard’s garage (on account of a promise made at the age of 9.) After stumbling through life and defying all odds, Tony and Bernard ended up making something of themselves. Although they couldn’t solve world hunger like they had hoped. Then the time came for them to share their collective wisdom (gained through over 60 years of combined life experience). With two and a half degrees, a wife each, a few kids and a cat between them, what problem exists that they couldn’t solve? What dilemma could be faced that they couldn’t advise on?

Whether you wanted to know or not, here they are and they have the answers for you.

 

Cousin FT